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FIC: The Opposite of Afterglow

sherlock bw
Title: The Opposite of Afterglow
Author: Ella Jane (roquentine)
Word Count: ~600
Rating: PG, barely
Pairing: Kind of Sherlock/John, Mycroft/Lestrade. Kind of.
Warnings: None
Spoilers: None
A/N: I read a cracky prompt on the kink meme ("Sherlock. John. Mycroft. Lestrade. In one bed.") and this sprung into my brain nearly fully formed. Which is so bizarre, because I never write crack. I do now, apparently!

PSA:  Light text on a dark background can spoil afterglows of all sorts. Click here to read in your own LJ format.

*   *   *   *   *

This only works if you know how they’re arranged. So if you’re standing at the foot of the bed looking at them... (you need a minute, don’t you..... okay, come on back!) from your left to your right: Mycroft, Lestrade, Sherlock, John.

John:  There are too many people in this bed.

Sherlock:  It was your idea.

John:  It bloody well was not. Shove over.

Sherlock:  There’s nowhere to go.

John:  Well, if I take a deep breath, I’ll fall out, so shove over.

Maneuvering ensues.

Lestrade:  Ow.

Mycroft:  What?

Lestrade:  Your elbow.

Mycroft:  What about it?

Lestrade:  It's digging into my side.

Mycroft:  That’s not my elbow.

John:  Oh, please.

Mycroft:  I mean, it’s not my elbow.

Lestrade:  Sherlock?

Sherlock:  It’s my elbow?

John:  See, when you lose track of whose elbow is where, you know there’s too many people in one bed.

Lestrade (to no one in particular):  How did I get here?

Mycroft:  Look to your left.

Sherlock:  Oh, sing a different song, would you please.

Mycroft:  Excuse me?

Sherlock:  My whole life, whatever happens, let's just blame Sherlock. Ever since we were kids...

Lestrade:  Oh, God. Can we please not talk about how some of us are related?

Mycroft snorts.

Lestrade:  What?

Mycroft:  You are one of four naked men in a bed...

John (under his breath):  Which is TOO MANY.

Mycroft:  And you’re disturbed that two of us are...

Lestrade (cringing):  Please don't say it out loud.

Mycroft:  ...brothers?

Lestrade:  Oh, bloody hell.

Sherlock:  God, you smell good.

John and Lestrade:  Thank you.

They raise their heads to peer at each other. Sherlock chuckles.

Mycroft:  It just seems an odd time to concern yourself with taboos.

Sherlock:  It's not a big deal, Greg.

Lestrade:  Are you saying you've done this before?

Mycroft:  Well...       Sherlock:  Sort of.

John:  Sort of?

Sherlock:  By accident.

Lestrade:  How does this happen by accident?

Mycroft:  You'd be surprised.

John:  At this point, I really wouldn't. Sherlock, can we please go back to my room?

Sherlock:  But Lestrade smells nice.

Lestrade:  Thank you!      John:  Oi!

Mycroft:  You are aware that in ancient Egypt...

Three of the four men groan.

Mycroft:  Brothers and sisters married each other all the time.

Three of the four men make noises of disgust.

Mycroft:  It was the only way to protect the family fortune.

John:  Can't you make him stop talking?

Sherlock:  There's been no evidence of it so far.

Lestrade:  Maybe we can just... sleep...

John:  Yes, with half of us in a different bed.

Sherlock:  I'm too tired to move.

John (getting up):  I'm not. I'm going to a different bed.

Lestrade:  No, wait! Please, you cannot leave me here with them.

John:  You're welcome to come with me.

Mycroft:  No.    Sherlock:  Hey!

John:  Sherlock, I'm not kidding, get up, or I take Lestrade.

Sherlock:  You could take Mycroft.

Mycroft and John:  NO.

Lestrade (to no one in particular):  God, I need a cigarette.

John:  Sherlock, I swear, I will carry you upstairs if I have to.

Sherlock:  As if you could.

John:  SHERLOCK. COME ON.

Sherlock:  All right, all right.

Sherlock gets up slowly. Mycroft gets up quickly.

Lestrade:  Where are you going?

Mycroft (getting dressed):  Can't stay. I have an early meeting.

Sherlock:  Thank God.

He falls back into the bed.

John:  Oh, for fuck's sake.

Lestrade:  Do you want me to come with you?

Mycroft:  No, stay. Get some sleep.

John:  What a novel idea.

He climbs in after Sherlock, pushing him toward the middle. Sherlock groans but moves over.

Mycroft leans down, kisses Lestrade.

Lestrade:  Good night.

Mycroft:  I'll see you later. Good night, John.

John (his eyes closed):  Whatever.

Mycroft:  Sherlock, don't forget... it's Mummy's birthday on Sunday.

Lestrade:  Oh, God.     John GET OUT.    

Sherlock snores.

#


Now with sequel!


Comments

( 52 comments — Leave a comment )
(Deleted comment)
roquentine
Mar. 19th, 2011 06:16 pm (UTC)
Thank you! That's a lovely compliment. Non-crack under a cracky umbrella, then? :) Thanks for commenting!
(no subject) - luv_gaara_16 - Mar. 19th, 2011 11:12 pm (UTC) - Expand
(no subject) - threebooks3 - Apr. 19th, 2011 07:02 am (UTC) - Expand
spelevinken
Mar. 19th, 2011 05:11 pm (UTC)
HAHA, so freaking awesome <33 XD
roquentine
Mar. 19th, 2011 06:16 pm (UTC)
Thank you, I'm glad you liked it!
mazarin221b
Mar. 19th, 2011 05:20 pm (UTC)
Lestrade: How does this happen by accident?
Mycroft: You'd be surprised.


Wait, does that mean it's not an accident this time?

Fantastically funny, and I agree with sc010f up there, really not that cracky other than the scene - everyone was perfectly in character, really.
roquentine
Mar. 19th, 2011 06:17 pm (UTC)
That's really nice of you to say. I'm glad their voices came across clearly in such a short conversation! This was more fun to write than I thought it would be. :) Thanks for commenting!
morningstarzip
Mar. 19th, 2011 06:08 pm (UTC)
John: Sherlock, I'm not kidding, get up, or I take Lestrade.

Had to be my favourite part. Well done!
roquentine
Mar. 19th, 2011 06:18 pm (UTC)
He totally means it, too. :) Thank you for reading and commenting!
r34dinglight
Mar. 19th, 2011 06:36 pm (UTC)
There is so much to love here, beside the obvious four naked men in the bed.John's words of wisdom of how you know when you have exceeded bed capacity- ie the elbow issue vrs the whole um, yes. you two are siblings ... who have been in this situation before. When it was an accident? which it isnt now? But Mycroft has that one covered because after all in ancient Egypt siblings married.that that was a royal house, seems to have escaped him, but I can see where the House of Holmes should count ...maybe??!? and the ongoing John-Lestrade issues, brilliant! shakes head/dies laughing.

roquentine
Mar. 19th, 2011 11:38 pm (UTC)
Glad you found so much to enjoy! It made me giggle to write it, for sure. Thanks for commenting!

BTW, Mycroft doesn't really know anything about ancient Egypt, he just thought he would fake it because he just finished the new Cleopatra bio. *looks around shiftily*
troublesize
Mar. 19th, 2011 07:10 pm (UTC)
Okay, this now either has to be realised on stage or screen! *drafts up a petition to send to Gatiss & Moffatt, prompting the community's need*

...Failing that, I suppose I'll just have to love this fic to death... XD
roquentine
Mar. 19th, 2011 11:39 pm (UTC)
*Nods* Perhaps I should submit it as an idea for a sketch for next year's Comic Relief? (Hee!) So glad you liked it!
(no subject) - troublesize - Mar. 20th, 2011 11:52 am (UTC) - Expand
arianedevere
Mar. 19th, 2011 07:45 pm (UTC)
I will definitely sign troublesize's petition!

Hilarious story, and definitely needs to be canon asap. *nods*
roquentine
Mar. 19th, 2011 11:39 pm (UTC)
Thank you! I think I would faint dead away to see this on screen. DEAD. AWAY.
luv_gaara_16
Mar. 19th, 2011 11:11 pm (UTC)
rofl this it so funny.
Weirdly enough i could actually picture them all arguing like this i love how you've kept them in character.
--x--
roquentine
Mar. 19th, 2011 11:41 pm (UTC)
Thank you so much! I'm glad the characterization worked for you. And the funny! Thanks for commenting!
lawless523
Mar. 19th, 2011 11:20 pm (UTC)
*dies laughing*
roquentine
Mar. 19th, 2011 11:42 pm (UTC)
*revives you* Thank you so much, glad you liked it!
kim47
Mar. 20th, 2011 01:49 am (UTC)
Loved this on the meme last night, love it now :)
roquentine
Mar. 20th, 2011 02:38 am (UTC)
Thanks for your support there! I posted it at 3am and went to bed, and would not have de-anoned or reposted if I hadn't gotten such lovely comments! Glad you liked it!
cinderbella333
Mar. 20th, 2011 05:42 am (UTC)
Normally, I wouldn't read something that had Sherlock and Mycroft in the same bed because that is just NOT my thing, but this was HILARIOUS! Great job!
roquentine
Mar. 20th, 2011 02:59 pm (UTC)
I'm so glad you gave it a shot! Thanks for commenting!
stardust_made
Mar. 20th, 2011 07:40 am (UTC)
Win, all of it! Dialogue!fic is so hard, applause for that alone! The rest is, er, WIN!!:D
roquentine
Mar. 20th, 2011 03:02 pm (UTC)
Thank you! I didn't want to bother with "stage directions," writing every time someone smiles or smirks or moves or whatever, but I still wanted it to make sense! Glad you liked it!
de_tensai
Mar. 20th, 2011 01:37 pm (UTC)
They're so precious! ♥
roquentine
Mar. 20th, 2011 03:18 pm (UTC)
They really are, aren't they! Thanks for commenting!
atlinmerrick
Mar. 22nd, 2011 10:49 pm (UTC)
I love this time...well times everything. It's even better longer. I squish this so hard and adore it so much and wish I was number five in that bed of four. Good god it would be—*going off to very very VERY special place*
roquentine
Mar. 23rd, 2011 01:24 am (UTC)
And you would fit, from what I understand! ;) Mwah!
(no subject) - atlinmerrick - Mar. 23rd, 2011 08:03 am (UTC) - Expand
hobbylobby
May. 3rd, 2011 11:29 pm (UTC)
Please see my icon for the accurate response.

Charming and amazingly in-character. Bravo!
roquentine
May. 6th, 2011 12:29 am (UTC)
*hearts your icon* Thank you, I'm so glad you enjoyed it!
gadgetorious
Aug. 20th, 2011 03:53 am (UTC)
I'm not sure what the hell just happened, but I know that these are tears of laughter. That is ALL I know...
roquentine
Aug. 20th, 2011 10:26 pm (UTC)
Thank you! So glad you enjoyed.
atlinmerrick
Aug. 20th, 2011 04:09 am (UTC)
It's five months on and stiiiiillll wishing and wishing this had a sequel. And a prequel and a pre-prequel sequel and a sequel to the prequel's prequel and so on. Please?
roquentine
Aug. 20th, 2011 10:27 pm (UTC)
Your encouragement is very nearly impossible to resist. Let us leave it at that. *MWAH*!
exuberantself
Aug. 20th, 2011 05:02 am (UTC)
I desperately need to know how all four of them ended up in one bed.

Also, John with his constant whining and nearly falling off the edge is surprisingly adorable. And Mycroft with his random information leaks. And Lestrade with his two-Holmes-one-bed squick. And Sherlock with his...Sherlockiness.

And...you are awesome. :)
roquentine
Aug. 20th, 2011 10:37 pm (UTC)
Such lovely words, thank you! As to how they got there... *looks around shiftily* Thank you for reading!
derinaemucy
Nov. 4th, 2011 04:19 am (UTC)
My cousin recommended this blog and she was totally right keep up the fantastic work!

blislife
Dec. 24th, 2011 01:30 am (UTC)
LMFAO.Thank you. Srsly Lol'd the whole time. The dialogue is perfectly IC. I wonder how Mycroft and Sherlock accidently had a foursome?! God speed John.
roquentine
Mar. 14th, 2012 12:27 am (UTC)
Thank you! So sorry it took me so long to respond to your comment. I'm so glad you enjoyed it!
dauphkantus
Jan. 15th, 2012 09:37 am (UTC)
This is more spot-on than you led me to believe by implication and declaration of otherwise.

*smothers snorts* I don't know who I'm more amused by, John, or the "Whose 'Elbow'?" game. Not my elbow!
roquentine
Mar. 14th, 2012 12:28 am (UTC)
Hee. Thank you! So glad you liked it!
sadiana
Jan. 28th, 2012 03:39 am (UTC)
Now this made me giggle. Well done!
roquentine
Mar. 14th, 2012 12:28 am (UTC)
Thank you! Giggling was the intended consequence. :) Will be posting a sequel shortly. So sorry for the delay in responding to your comment!
angelpoppet
Mar. 13th, 2012 11:41 pm (UTC)
Omfg! I floved this So much! :D Bloody impressive that you managed to keep them all in character in that situation.
roquentine
Mar. 14th, 2012 12:29 am (UTC)
Thank you! I am about to post a sequel, as soon as I can wrangle the bloody HTML into place. :) Glad you liked it!
kidarania_nika
Mar. 15th, 2012 05:01 pm (UTC)
My lolz?
They just won't stop. "I mean, it's not /my/ elbow." From then on I was hooked. I love crack so very, very much, and this was just plain silly.

~Kei
roquentine
Jun. 24th, 2012 07:03 pm (UTC)
Re: My lolz?
So glad you enjoyed it! Thank you for commenting!
TaylorReena
Jun. 22nd, 2012 12:56 pm (UTC)
Request
Hello!
I loved this one! Can I please translate it into Russian?
roquentine
Jun. 24th, 2012 07:02 pm (UTC)
Re: Request
Absolutely! Thanks for asking. Have fun with it!
( 52 comments — Leave a comment )

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